Pastor’s Crush

Praise and worship didn’t turn out as bad as I had envisioned.  Tundun was quite the singer.  Sigh! It always had to be Tundun.  “Tundun this”, “Tundun that”, everyone was always celebrating her. Where was Tundun when I carried cement on my head, block by block to lay the foundation of the Ministry? Today, she is dancing and singing on the stage I suffered to build. Mtcheew…

Honestly, I don’t have any beef with Tundun o! Afterall, she’s my little cousin who came to stay with me roughly a year ago during her compulsory National Youth Service Corps. It’s now over and she’s looking for a job. She attended church with me once and became hooked. Now, Tundun has become the superstar, noticed not only by the Senior Pastor and our Mother in-Israel, but also by Pastor Wisdom.

Pastor Wisdom was one of the newly ordained Pastors of the Ministry. His charisma on the altar was second to none. Not only could he preach, he could sing! Omo! The brother had this rich, velvety baritone voice. You could say God was partial in creating him. Only one man, charisma, voice, beauty…haba! Na only you waka come?

5 years ago, brother Wisdom bounced into our service as a first-timer. I was the dedicated usher that welcomed and ushered him to his seat. He wore a red Lumber Jack shirt and blue trainers. His mohawk was the banger! It fitted the shape of his head. Anytime he passed, sisters would be acting like that were not looking at him, but me, I used to see them all.

A year after he joined the Ministry, he joined the choir. Who knew he could sing like that. His voice could raise the dead! It was no surprise that church used to “scatter” anytime he led Praise and Worship especially during Thanksgiving service. I had the extra job of making sure that those girls with their low neck, eye pooping cleavages and demonic high slits don’t get to dance aggressively in front of the altar. “Awon”, Daughters of Jezebel!

Anyway, fast forward, Brother Wisdom is now a Pastor o! On the day of his ordination, I wore my bright pink suit and stood very close to the Pastor’s corner. Everyone, told me that I was looking pinky and I was, my powered pink shoes, my fuchsia pink hat, and my baby pink handbag, all to match…  but Pastor Wisdom did not notice me. In fact, he never did.

I tried everything. I even decided to start having problems every Sunday so that he would pray with me. After three Sundays, Pastor Wisdom stylishly referred me to the Sister’s Coordinator. I would try to greet him after every service and he would just respond with, “Bless you”.  “Bless you bawo? Can’t you see me?” The closest he came to talking to me was to ask after Tundun especially on the days she missed church. He had eyes only for Tundun.

Two weeks later, I heard people discussing excitedly after service, they were all looking at their phones, Pastor Wisdom was on Insta-live proposing to Tundun and she said “Yes”. I was heartbroken, the church was elated. Of course Tundun never knew that I had a crush on Pastor Wisdom and so I acted as nothing happened and wished her well. They were the toast of the Ministry, the perfect couple, Pastor and chorister.  
From my conversation with Tundun, Pastor Wisdom preferred a long courtship, but my cousin was in a hurry. She wanted the wedding date fix immediately. Pastor Wisdom gave into her pressure and their wedding date was fixed in a few weeks. One evening, while cooking, I needed to charge my phone. Tundun’s phone charger was sticking out of her bag, which she kept at the edge of the chair in the sitting room. As I reached for it, an envelope fell out. it was a lab result. Curious, I opened it. She was pregnant. Tundun was pregnant for Pastor Wisdom?

Tundun walked in on me and I confronted her immediately.  She eventually confessed to me that the pregnancy was not Pastor Wisdom’s, but one stupid unemployed riff-raff she had been hanging around with down the street. She needed a good father for her baby and Pastor Wisdom fitted the bill. A part of me wants to tell him and another part wants me to mind my business?
After all, Pastor Wisdom never noticed me.